I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
