Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
