Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
