I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
