im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
