watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
