I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
