a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
