pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
