is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
