Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.