She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask