i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
