This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment