I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can feel your judgement through the phone