he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ