I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.