Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
