He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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