from now on my penis is your penis
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
