If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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