WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
