hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Sober January is a disaster.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
