Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
