God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
