Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
