It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
