i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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