youre lurking in front of me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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