Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
