I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
