Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
