It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
