Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
