somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
