Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
