i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
