Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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