I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
