He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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