Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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