My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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