I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
