I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize