Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
not ubering you a puppy
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
