Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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