I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
