come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
