operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
