dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
