I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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