Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
