Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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