Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
