its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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