I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
