So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
