My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Randomize
