Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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