he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
