I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
