Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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