I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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