I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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