my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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