I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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