Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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