those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
