I just cut my nipple shaving
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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