I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
