you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize