one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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