white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
