I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My pussy is not your playground.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
