I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize