I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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